Do you feel preoccupied by questions about how to live in this world? Questions like: Why do I keep feeling this way? Is it even possible to have the kind of relationships I want? Or even: Why doesn’t my life really feel like mine? Most of my clients are looking for answers to questions like these and are unsatisfied by the overly simplistic answers offered by family members and friends, self-help gurus, or their own inner critic. Like them, you may have tried all kinds of ways of whipping yourself or your relationships into shape, with demoralizing results. I see therapy as a place to take these questions seriously. My job is to help you find your way to answers that ring true to you and that lead to long-lasting change. In the short term our work can help you find relief from painful feelings and symptoms, and in the longer term it can expand your sense of what is possible for you.
I know it can be hard starting therapy, or re-starting therapy and having to retell your story. I want to earn your trust, which starts with listening and getting to know you. Whether you have a clear sense of what the problem is but aren’t sure what to do about it, or just have a vague sense that something feels “off,” I will listen, remember what you tell me, and start reflecting back the pieces to make sure I truly understand.
I also see my role as helping you connect more deeply with yourself. I have specific training in this, based on the work of therapist Eugene Gendlin, who developed a way of facilitating the kind of self-contact that produced successful therapy outcomes among his research participants. While I won’t shy away from sharing my own thoughts with you, I also want to help you have the experience of discovering yourself saying things that feel new and fresh to you, things you didn’t know you knew.
As therapy continues, we begin to develop new ways of understanding your experience. This is a collaborative process and one that evolves with you. We’re looking for connections and insights that are both clarifying and compassionate to you and others. Many people experience a sense of relief and renewed possibility when they find new ways of understanding themselves and the things that have led them to this point. My role at this stage is to support you and offer things to think about, not to dictate what is true for you. I frequently ask for your feedback, and I know the therapy is going well when you feel free enough to tell me if I’m on the wrong track.
Insight is not the final goal of therapy. I want to help you not only think differently, but live and feel differently. To get there requires trying things out, and the therapy relationship can become an initial place to do this. Often when we let ourselves feel or act in a way that goes against long-held patterns, we 1) do it a little awkwardly, and 2) worry about the consequences. The therapy relationship can be a safer, more protected space to let yourself risk trying something new. This allows you to bring a more confident, expansive sense of yourself into your life and relationships outside of therapy.
“The human soul doesn’t want to be fixed, it simply wants to be seen and heard. The soul is like a wild animal - tough, resilient and shy. When we go crashing through the woods shouting for it to come out so we can help it, the soul will stay in hiding. But if we are willing to sit quietly and wait for a while, the soul may show itself.”
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